entirely guilty by design ♥

maybe I'm not enough for anybody, not even for me maybe nobody is enough for me maybe I have ridiculous standards about people and the only people who meet them don't want me maybe I don't like myself most days but I can't change that maybe I'm an introvert with the need of social acception to feel alright maybe this is all there is  maybe this is the best I can do maybe I'm tired of being myself maybe nobody cares, only when I'm okay lately I've been feeling like this, only to realize I've felt like this for a long time. I don't know why. and I never felt the need to share these kind of feelings with anyone in the past, not even with my ex-boyfriend. maybe because I thought he wouldn't understand. because nobody does in reality. not because I'm a special snowflake, but because I can't even understand myself, so how can others? and I always hurt people. I'm always fucking things up when they're alright. that's ...

I guess it's only fair. I guess I deserve this. I deserve to feel like shit when all I do is make people around me feel the same. Because that's what I do. I hurt people and they get away. I hurt people and they leave me. And then I am alone. And I guess I deserve this. Sometimes I just wake up and feel so empty. Empty because I am lonely even when I am not alone. Empty because I feel worthless even though I have value. Empty because I am so much and I am seen as so little.  Today was one of these days. I woke up and then I... just was. I just stood here, all alone, wanting to do stuff but not doing them. Just looking at the time passing by, wasting it and throwing it away. So I just sit here, on my phone, looking at the same things, waiting I guess. For what? I don't know, maybe for someone to talk with me, maybe for someone to show me they care. Because today I feel like nobody cares about me. And if nobody cares why should I? Why should I eat? Why should I sleep? Wh...