when your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces

You probably hate me by now. I've stop talking to you when I promised we'de stay friends. And I know that you tried to do so. But then you stop trying. And I guess that's alright.

I do that a lot you know? I stop talking to people, hoping that when I miss them so much it hurts, they'll still talk to me. I'm selfish I know, but I can't help it. 

I've probably hurt you more now that we're over than you ever did when we were together. 

And it's not fair. At least not for you. I get it, I really do. 

But I found it weird every time you talked to me, I  didn't want to talk to you anymore. I needed time, I needed space and you were just so nice that I couldn't tell you that. 

And then I found some things that I didn't like and I stopped feeling guilty for feeling this way and just got mad.

And now... I just don't feel anything. I guess. 

I really did love you, you know? And I know you loved me too. I felt it and you made me so happy. But somewhere along the way it just started to hurt. The doubt, about us and about me. I guess I just got used to you in the end. And it hurt. 

And then we fought, and some things you said hurt, because you knew where to tear me apart. 

I remember sitting by the door, to make you stay and you gave up and went to sleep. I remember lying beside you, not being able to sleep, looking at you, to make sure you wouldn't just get up and leave. I remember thinking that that would be the last time we'd be together and I didn't want to waste a moment sleeping when I could be looking at you, memorizing the shape of your lips, how peaceful you looked asleep, and I fought the urge to touch you, because it was just so confusing.

But that wasn't the last time. Because the last time just comes and you don't even know, you don't even think about it. 

And there it was. Two months later, when you asked me for a time to think and my world fell. All my doubts came true, that I wasn't enough, that you stopped loving me like I've always thought you would. 

But then sadness turned into numbness and the numbness turned into... nothing. I stopped feeling. And when the time came, I just couldn't go on. It was over for me. How strange. I stopped loving you as fast as I started. 

But here we are. We have nothing to offer to each other's lives now. You can have better friends than me. You have better friends than me. And I... well, I just want to get this over with. I just want to get over the awkwardness. 

I don't regret the time we spent together though, I loved every single moment I spent with you. All the hugs, all the kisses, all the laughter, all the times you held me thight when I was feeling down. Every day we took for ourselves, just laying on the couch and eating pizza and being lazy, those are my favorites.

But I guess it's over now. So can we be strangers again?