on being 21
maybe I'm not enough for anybody, not even for me
maybe nobody is enough for me
maybe I have ridiculous standards about people and the only people who meet them don't want me
maybe I don't like myself most days but I can't change that
maybe I'm an introvert with the need of social acception to feel alright
maybe this is all there is
maybe this is the best I can do
maybe I'm tired of being myself
maybe nobody cares, only when I'm okay
lately I've been feeling like this, only to realize I've felt like this for a long time. I don't know why. and I never felt the need to share these kind of feelings with anyone in the past, not even with my ex-boyfriend. maybe because I thought he wouldn't understand. because nobody does in reality. not because I'm a special snowflake, but because I can't even understand myself, so how can others?
and I always hurt people. I'm always fucking things up when they're alright.
that's me, the fuck up who always hurts people without meaning to (wow, write that on my tombstone).
I don't know what to do right now. I feel lost, but at the same time like I'm finding myself. I feel sad and angry, but I don't know at whom or why.
tomorrow is my birthday, in 15 minutes to be exact, and I feel more alone than ever. I feel like the only 'happy birthday's I'll get will be fake or out of sympathy, not out of care or love for me.
and I know that I'm loved, I just feel like I'm not, and that's the shitty part of me.
because who would care about me? why should they?
well, happy early birthday to me. may my 22nd year be better than this one (blowing on imaginary candles).
maybe nobody is enough for me
maybe I have ridiculous standards about people and the only people who meet them don't want me
maybe I don't like myself most days but I can't change that
maybe I'm an introvert with the need of social acception to feel alright
maybe this is all there is
maybe this is the best I can do
maybe I'm tired of being myself
maybe nobody cares, only when I'm okay
lately I've been feeling like this, only to realize I've felt like this for a long time. I don't know why. and I never felt the need to share these kind of feelings with anyone in the past, not even with my ex-boyfriend. maybe because I thought he wouldn't understand. because nobody does in reality. not because I'm a special snowflake, but because I can't even understand myself, so how can others?
and I always hurt people. I'm always fucking things up when they're alright.
that's me, the fuck up who always hurts people without meaning to (wow, write that on my tombstone).
I don't know what to do right now. I feel lost, but at the same time like I'm finding myself. I feel sad and angry, but I don't know at whom or why.
tomorrow is my birthday, in 15 minutes to be exact, and I feel more alone than ever. I feel like the only 'happy birthday's I'll get will be fake or out of sympathy, not out of care or love for me.
and I know that I'm loved, I just feel like I'm not, and that's the shitty part of me.
because who would care about me? why should they?
well, happy early birthday to me. may my 22nd year be better than this one (blowing on imaginary candles).
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